i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
