U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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