I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
she pinky promised me she was 18
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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