just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
