I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize