The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
