I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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