there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
