Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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