I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
