hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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