i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Randomize
