i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
