Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
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