this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
