His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
She needs sedatives and a leash
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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