3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
