So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
