You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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