I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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