I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
