I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Randomize
