Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
