I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
