please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
