There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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