There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
