you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
