I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Just cropdusted the office
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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