so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
