You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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