we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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