He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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