How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize