i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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