you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
