peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
