I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize