so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I would fuck him just for his dog
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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