your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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