I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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