all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
