Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
