so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
