I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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