He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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