so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
