Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
