Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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