I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
