Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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