He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
