I think my vagina is haunted
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Houston, we have a blender
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
