i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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