I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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