Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
