Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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