PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Randomize
