your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
