i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
soo... how was my night?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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