who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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