Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
