Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
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