Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
